I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
