her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize