wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
