you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
