i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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