Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
