i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Randomize
