i would punch a child for taco bell
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
