I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
