so let's talk penis.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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