nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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