Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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