have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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