If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
