Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
