I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
