how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
