How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
