what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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