I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
