I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
