White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
