i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
