3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
