either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
