I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
