Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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