he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Drunk is a universal language darling
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
