I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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