I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
