Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
