And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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