can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
