is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
