Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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