Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
