I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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