I'm sorry my penis didn't work
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
