Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
