I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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