this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
