addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i came on her dog
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
