That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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