had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
