I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
