We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
