The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
