she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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