The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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