the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think people are normalizing furries
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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