everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
is wine microwaveable?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
