You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
