I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
