During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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