problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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