I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
