no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
