I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
