My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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