I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
