who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
