kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
