So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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