just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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