So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
