Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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