Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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