he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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