Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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