I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
