It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize