were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize