I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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