I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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