This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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