white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize