You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
