There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
