Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
