Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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