Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
