yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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