Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Randomize
