The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
