she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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